I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Randomize
