question - sack: should she or should she not play with it during foreplay?
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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