literally had 100 drinks last night.
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
Randomize
