I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Randomize
