I got chris browned last night
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
