You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
