First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
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