My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
Potential corruption. He's 19.
Get them while they're young!
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
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