You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
