I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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