im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
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