dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
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