My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
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