Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
Randomize
