those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize
