Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
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