Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
I'm jealous of your bromance
I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize