Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Randomize
