Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
Vodka?
Forever.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
