Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
