you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
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