everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
I cut my penus on the lid.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
Randomize
