he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
Everything about him screamed your future.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.