I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
23 Theme Park Employees Confess The Biggest Adult Tantrums They’ve Witnessed
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!