We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.