wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
this is an emotional support booty call