hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
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he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
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Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?