One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
Randomize
