WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
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