she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
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