I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
