I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Randomize
