No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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