I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
