i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
whose parrot is this?
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
Randomize
