I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
