whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
Randomize
