we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
I'm always down for nudity.
Randomize
