When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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