At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
She has the best kind of daddy issues
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
