Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Randomize
