so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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