There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Randomize
