I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
