over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
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