Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
