glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you had me at cake vodka
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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