Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
