we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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