I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
