Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
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