I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
