You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
