I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
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