ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
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