Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Randomize
