u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
