You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Randomize
