Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
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