i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
