Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
Randomize