i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
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