You really coming over, don't trick.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Randomize
