your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
Randomize
